my coming out story

get your popcorn & your phone charger ready

Growing up, I always knew I was different. I knew what being gay was but didn’t truly know if that’s where I was at the time of me learning that I was different. I didn’t grow up in a religious household but it was always in the back of my mind, “well, what if it’s not okay…”

I would always get those giddy butterfly feelings you would get with a crush. I didn’t let myself get past those feelings until I was 11. There was this girl in 6th grade that was known to be bisexual. I was so curious as to how she knew but I didn’t want anyone to know I talked to her. I created a Text Now account and messaged and told her that I wanted to kiss her. To me, it would have been so embarrassing for people to find out about this. The kiss never happened. I eventually shrugged it off & kept telling myself, “Nope, you like boys. You can’t like girls.” And so I went on having my middle school “boyfriends” and high school boyfriends. There was always something missing within those relationships and I couldn’t pinpoint it but I never wanted to believe in myself.

Life went by & I kept lying to myself and pushing down everything I was feeling inside to be better for the outside world.

Senior year of high school rolls around, I’m in an on and off again relationship with my high school boyfriend. A certain girl passed me in the hallway & I was starstruck. I asked everyone around me who she was because everything in me had to know. I was getting those butterflies again, but this time… I couldn’t contain them.

I then started to secretly flirt with her. If I saw her in the hallway there was nothing that could stop me from talking to her. I have never felt the relief I would get anytime I would let go & flirt with her.

I graduated high school a semester early so I let it be that I wouldn’t see her again. Then she messaged me on Instagram in Jan of 2017. I gave her my number & about 3 months later, we were girlfriends. Within those 3 months, I was with her every day after she got out of school, brought her to my parents house but introduced her as my friend because I was still scared. Scared of what my family would think & scared of how my life would be. All of this was bringing out my inner struggles. I didn’t want to be different. I denied to my friends that I liked her, I denied to myself that I liked her. I was lying to myself and everyone around me because I was scared.

Then, we finally kissed. That was it. That feeling I never had with anyone else, that piece that was missing. It was a whirlwind of emotions flooding though me & all I could do was be happy for myself. A couple days pass & I’m staying the night at her house. I text my sister & tell her that she needs to tell my mom that I’m dating this girl. I couldn’t get the courage to do it myself, so of course I made her do it. ANDDD of course my mom already knew! WHEW. that solved one thing. Now the next thing was my dad.

My dad grew up in a catholic household so he was the one person I was actually scared to find out. My mom told him & he took it just fine, but I could tell there was a little disconnect. I always wanted to give him the space he needed and the time he needed because of course its a big deal. It wasn’t until about 2 years into my relationship that he referred to my girlfriend, as my partner to his work friends. It was in that moment I knew, that our relationship and my sexual identity was going to be okay.

After that relationship ended, at the age of 19, I thought to myself, “maybe I’m bisexual.” I started to explore life again, not excluding myself to women, but there was still that one thing that was missing. I STILL wanted so badly to be bisexual because I wanted my life to be easier. To me, having a boyfriend meant I didn’t have to let everyone know my story and I didn’t have to come out to everyone I met.

Annnddd then, Morgan came into my life. The second we talked, it was game over. I fell hard and fast and so did she. Everything I was every worried about flew out the window. I didn’t care who saw us holding hands, I didn’t care that I had to tell my story over again, I didn’t care that I had to come out to every new person. She was worth it and she was it. She was and is all I have ever needed to be 100% okay with who I am and who I want to be.

If you are in the closest, out of the closet, or even curious - we have all been there & we see you. Coming out is the most terrifying thing I have done, but living my life truthfully is by far my biggest blessing.